First Step

When I was younger, I’d always dreamed of being a model or some beautiful actress. But I was physically AND mentally unprepared for such a thing. I was socially awkward, nervous around boys, uncomfortable with my own body, and I struggled with basic hygiene.

Like with a diet, it takes more than just products to change you. For example, you have to take out all the bad food in your pantry and fridge to keep temptation away. You have to set your alarm for some ungodly hour of the morning so you can get up and start running. Buy clothes a size too small so that you actually have a real reason for losing all that weight.

Feeling beautiful is no different. Feeling– that’s the key word. I couldn’t feel good about myself when I lived in my home town, since all my friends there were convinced I could never transform into a model. They made me feel bad about myself, and that just isn’t a healthy environment. HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT– remember that. When I went to college for my first semester, I did some wild things and broke a lot of pretty boys’ hearts. Was I proud of it? No. I felt horribly guilty of the way I’d treated people. I broke out of my nervous little shell for the first time, but I ended up hurting others around me. Sure, I’d taken a step forward, but I need more stepping room and I didn’t need to be somewhere where I felt bad about myself. In those places, I couldn’t grow. All the beauty products in the world couldn’t have made me feel beautiful if I was there.

Here’s the most important thing I learned: ALWAYS FEEL FREE. So simple. I knew my friends from home and the people I’d met at college didn’t see my true potential. They couldn’t appreciate that I wanted to change and be a better person inside and out. So I freed myself from them- I said a few goodbyes,┬ádeleted a lot of numbers out of my cell phone, and moved to another city. I took pictures off my computer and shut down my Facebook account.

When I moved to my new home, I had a clean slate. I worked hard to make sure I didn’t make the same mistakes I’d made before. I didn’t brag, I didn’t play with people’s hearts, and I learned to be a better friend. The people I was meeting had no clue of the stupid things I’d done before, or of how ugly and awkward I’d been as a kid. And they didn’t care about my past. My heart felt lighter and I felt more confident in myself.

Don’t be afraid to ‘move on’. Change doesn’t just come to you; you have to make change happen. And you can’t feel tied down by people. The people I had known almost all my life, the ones I had called my ‘friends’ were not my friends at all. When I told them my plans for the future, they laughed at me. Who needs that kind of abuse? I certainly don’t. I’m made for better things than a small home town and a small college where I don’t matter to the people around me.

So take the first step. Cut off the heavy things weighing you down like you were cutting off the split ends of your hair. Go somewhere new, meet new people, take new opportunities. Escape your past and be free to start a whole new future. I never imagined I’d be where I am now, far from my old home. I never imagined I’d be asked to do modeling. Last week I met a sexy magician and a German foreign exchange student- people I would never have met had I stayed where I was. Be free, loves. Let the wind take you to places you’ve never dreamed of.


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